


keep our hearth warm

by onhos



Category: SHINee
Genre: Canon Compliant, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay Panic, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Nervousness, Pining, Working things out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 14:01:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29967462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onhos/pseuds/onhos
Summary: Minho misses Jinki.(Except it's a lot more complicated than that).
Relationships: Choi Minho/Lee Jinki | Onew
Comments: 10
Kudos: 43





	keep our hearth warm

Jinki pads to his front door in bunny slippers.

He's sleepy and confused as he clicks open the door. Messy purple hair falls over his eyes as he peers blearily into the dark doorway, looking for the source of the noise that had disturbed him from scrolling through his bubble messages. It isn't often his night time ritual is interrupted.

"Minho?" He asks, blinking. The sleeves of Jinki's dressing gown are already growing damp at the ends as he holds open the door. Rain patters and hits the roof in quick bursts, and only grows harder as Jinki recognises the figure who stands in his doorway.

"Hyung." Minho shifts uncomfortably on his feet. He's wrapped in a coat, but he's dripping onto the porch, and his hair is plastered to his forehead. "Can I come in?"

"What are you doing here?" Jinki asks. A wave of warm concern passes over him for Minho, and he purses his lips. Minho isn't the type to come late at night. He's had Taemin here, in the late hours, longing for company, but never Minho. Minho is more sensible. "Weren't you drinking with your friends tonight?"

Minho runs a hand over his face.

"Can I just come in?" He asks again, and of course Jinki nods. Of course Jinki holds open the door, and lets Minho step back into their old home. There's no other option than to let Minho slip by him. His damp coat is cold when it brushes against Jinki's chest, and Jinki closes the door behind him.

That's what you do for family, Jinki thinks, and turns to Minho.

Minho stands in the hallway, against the wall, his eyes dark as the night he just left behind. His cheeks are flushed pink, a mixture of the cold and the alcohol, Jinki thinks. He's pretty and shadowed, here in the hallway, and Jinki loses his breath for a moment.

"Sorry, I know it's late, but I just needed to see you." Minho waves a hand, dismissively. "I need to talk to you."

He swallows, looking at Jinki a moment longer. Jinki gives him an encouraging smile, but it only makes Minho look away.

"Hyung..."

The words seem to stick in Minho's throat, lodging themselves there, and Jinki's brow furrows with even more worry.

"Minho, what's wrong?"

Jinki's words are smothered when Minho steps towards him and takes him in his arms. His voice is buried in Minho's wet coat, his face pressed into a warm chest that feels so cold, with all of those layers on the surface. He's surprised for a moment. Minho holds him closely, tightly, but then, he always does.

So Jinki hugs back. Because there is no other option - he'd give his group members the world, if they asked it of him. He brings his arms up, and clutches onto Minho just as tightly. Whatever he needs, Jinki thinks.

"Hey," Jinki says. He can't help the note of amusement in his voice. Minho is only like this when he's drunk. Jinki can smell the soju clinging to him. "What's the matter, hm?"

Minho heaves a breath. He shudders, and it feels like a sob. It might be, Jinki thinks, and his concern grows and grows.

"I miss you." Minho says, in almost a whisper.

"I'm right here." Jinki giggles, into his chest. "And anyway, you saw me just this morning, at the radio station, remember?"

Minho doesn't reply. He holds Jinki tighter, through layers, through distance and space, and presses his face into Jinki's hair. Jinki can hear his heart in his ears, by now. It's an insistent pulse, but Minho has always done that to him. It isn't new.

"I _miss you_ , hyung." Minho says, with a sincerity Jinki doesn't know what to do with. Jinki feels Minho's pain, as if it's his own wound.

"Then you shouldn't have moved out." Jinki says, warm and teasing, but it does little to lighten the air.

Eventually Minho steps away from him. He runs a hand through his hair, and smiles sheepishly, embarrassed at himself even in this drunken state. They stand for a moment in a silence that isn't quite uncomfortable, or awkward, considering the years they've known each other.

"Are you okay?" Jinki asks.

"...Sorry." Minho mumbles. "I don't know why I'm here. I shouldn't have come."

"Don't be silly. Come in, come and warm up. Do you want a cup of tea?"

Minho gives a short nod, and Jinki steps away, down the corridor. He knows Minho will follow. It used to be his home, too, after all. He knows the way.

While he boils the kettle, Jinki watches Minho settle into the sofa. Minho sinks into the seat, and sighs and, closes his eyes. A fond smile flickers onto Jinki's face. It's soft, warm, a honey smile. It's been so long since he saw Minho like that, in the home they used to share. He belongs here, keeping the hearth warm.

As he makes tea Jinki sings to himself. It's always _heart attack_ , that gets stuck in the back of his mind, and plays on repeat. He sings it as he pours tea in two mugs. After a moment Jinki catches Minho watching him and laughs. It defuses some of the tension, at least.

"Sorry." Jinki calls into the living room. "I'm always singing, since I got discharged. It's a new habit."

"Yeah." Minho smiles, tipsy and still a little red around the ears. Probably, Jinki thinks, from his earlier display of vulnerability. "Yeah, I know. I noticed."

"Oh."

Jinki turns a little pink. Of course he noticed. Minho had always noticed those sorts of things. He was so considerate it made Jinki's heart ache - and maybe that was too sentimental of him, but Minho _is_ sentimental, sentimental enough just to wander back to his old home in the middle of the night just for a hug and to say a murmured _I miss you._

Jinki shuffles into the living room with the tea. Minho has shrugged off his wet coat, and folded it on the edge of the seat. Even drunk, even tired, he's ever so polite. It's amusing.

"Here." Jinki says. "Drink up."

Minho takes the mug from him, with fumbling hands, his hands brushing Jinki's own. His hands are warmer, than his coat had been, than his chest had felt against Jinki's cheek.

"Thanks, hyung." Minho mumbles. He looks down at the tea swirling in his cup, and Jinki sits down on the seat beside him. Their arms and legs press together, a familiar closeness.

"How is Changmin-sii? And Kyuhyun-sii?"

"They're fine. Super Junior are having a comeback soon, so Kyuhyun hyung is excited for it." Minho attempts a smile. His face shines under the moonlight, and he taps the side of his cup nervously. "We played cards."

"Did you win?" Jinki asks, giving Minho a mischevious grin. "You did, didn't you?"

"Of course I did." Minho says, and though their humour has a shared familiarity, Jinki can sense tension still lingering in the air. It crackles and burns.

The silence stretches and Jinki wants to fill it. He wants to somehow make Minho feel better, but he's never been able to find the right words for that.

"Hey, Minho." Jinki says gently, and places a hand on Minho's knee. "You know you can talk to me, right? Whatever is bothering you, I'm here."

Jinki has always felt discomfort, when attempting to be honest and open. In truth it's always been Minho who's taken care of _him._ But he holds Minho's leg tightly, and doesn't let go.

"It's fine, hyung." Minho shakes his head. His words slur. "I'm just drunk. I wanted to see you, and now here I am."

"I was up late anyway, so don't worry about that." Jinki smiles. "I was just reading bubble messages, and drinking soju. I love talking to fans."

"I know you do." Minho returns his smile, tentatively, and warmth flickers in his gaze. "It's cute."

The words are heavy and sweet, like thick honey. Jinki laughs nervously. 

"Oh, hey, that reminds me, I've been meaning to ask you! It's probably easy, but on bubble, do you know how to send-"

Jinki's nervous rumbles interrupted by Minho's hands, on his cheeks, warm and strong as they press against his skin. With a dip in his stomach Jinki falls silent. He stays still as Minho brushes purple hair away from his eyes.

"'M being weird." Minho slurs. That flush in his cheeks is delightful, red as wine. "I know I am. But the thing is, tonight I went out with my hyungs. Then I came home and all I could think about is how I wanted to be here instead, with you. That's why I came here."

Minho's thumbs run over Jinki's cheeks.

"I missed you, while I was in the marines. I miss you even more now that I've moved out." Minho says. His warm, hazy gaze is making Jinki feel nervous. "You know that, right?"

"Of course." Jinki's eyes flicker to his own hands, sitting awkwardly in his lap. His dressing gown is damp and clings to him uncomfortably. He looks at Minho quickly, before glancing away again, and smiles. "...You too."

He means it, of course he does, however awkward he might be. Life without the other member had been grey, the days long and strict, but it had been Minho's absence that ached the most. Minho, the only person who laughed at Jinki's jokes. Minho, his best friend. Jinki loves him more than sweet food, and ballads, and sleep, though he'd never admit it.

"I'm so happy to hear you sing again, and to perform with you, and eat with you." Minho swallows, and he suddenly smiles in a way that makes Jinki's heart flip. "I'm happy to be with you again, I really am."

"Minho." Jinki takes a breath.

"You don't get it, do you, hyung?" Minho asks. "You don't know why I'm here."

Minho leans forward and presses a clumsy kiss to his cheek.

"What are you doing?" Jinki asks, feeling a flush burning through his damp dressing gown.

"You keep asking me that, but I don't know what I'm doing either." Minho says softly, his breath soft on Jinki's cheek. He presses another kiss there, softer this time. 

Jinki takes another breath in. An electric, consuming feeling grows warm in his stomach.

Minho presses a gentler kiss, to his jaw. It's too much, too quickly. Jinki shivers and turns his face away.

"Hyung-" Minho's hands fall from his cheeks.

Jinki stands, quickly, spilling tea on the carpet.

"Hyung, wait-"

"You'll get sick, if you keep sitting in these wet clothes." Jinki laughs, nervous, his hands trembling as he hides them in is dressing gown sleeves. "I'll go and get us something to change into. There should be a few of your old hoodies, left in your room."

That's because Jinki kept them hidden, so that when Minho left, he'd have them for himself. But that's a secret, Jinki thinks, his heart still hammering in his ears.

"Hyung, don't go." Minho says. He's so vulnerable, like this, damp and desperate. Jinki swallows.

"I'm not going anywhere." He says, the ghost of Minho's kiss still stinging on his jaw. "I'll be right back, okay? Just give me a minute."

Jinki leaves the living room quickly, and he doesn't stop walking until he's safely hidden inside of his bedroom. He lets out a long, shaky breath and leans against the wall.

"What was _that?_ " He murmurs to himself. He should've stayed. He should've let Minho do- whatever it is he was planning to do. But Jinki had never expected it, and he's still trying to keep up.

Flushed, Jinki turns to the room. He stumbles over a chair leg as he tries to retrieve dry clothes for Minho. One of his dark hoodies is tucked under Jinki's pillow, and he grabs it.

For a moment he holds it to is face. It smells like Minho. Home, cinnamon, that same cologne he always wears. The smell is familiar, after so many years with the other man, but it never stopped being intoxicating.

What had that moment been, in the living room, when Minho had kissed him like that? It wasn't friendly. They've held each other before, close and comfortable, but it had never been anything as romantic and sweet as Minho's lips had been on his jaw.

"Why are you running away from me?" A low voice asks, in the doorway.

Jinki turns quickly, almost dropping Minho's hoodie in the process. He opens his mouth, and closes it. Minho is leaning there, watching him, looking tall and handsome and refined even in his drunk state.

And he'd probably seen the embarrassing display of Jinki practically nuzzling into his hoodie.

"Um." Jinki is hopelessly flustered. He blinks a couple of times before offering Minho a sheepish smile. "I found one of your old hoodies."

Minho raises his eyebrows. Jinki steps forward, and holds it out. Minho takes it from him, and Jinki expects their hands to brush. He's irrationally disappointed, when they don't.

His heart is traitorous, tonight. Jinki scolds it silently.

Minho just watches him, his gaze unreadable. That drunk flush still darkens his cheeks. So beautiful, Jinki thinks.

"Come on, let's go back downstairs." Jinki says, "Our tea will get cold."

When Minho still says nothing, Jinki tries to escape. With nervous hands and shaky legs he attempts to brush past Minho in the doorway, but he's stopped in his tracks. Minho presses a hand above him, against the door, and traps him there.

"Sorry." Minho murmurs. He looks down at Jinki, warm and dark and wanting.

"What for?" Jinki whispers, his heart in his throat.

Minho answers by leaning down slightly and kissing him.

At the first touch of Minho's lips, Jinki melts. Minho's lips are warm and insistent as he wraps his arms around Jinki's neck and pulls him closer. They've never kissed before, but it feels familiar. The curve of Minho's lips and the taste of his mouth are just an extension of everything that encompasses _him,_ everything bold and beautiful and wonderful.

Minho holds him closer, almost lifting Jinki off his feet. Their cheeks and noses brush, collide and merge together as Minho kisses him. Drunk, brave, braver perhaps than they would be if they were sober. The kiss deepens and Jinki makes a noise in his throat.

Soft hands run through Jinki's hair, tugging just slightly. Minho presses him deeper into the doorway, and pulls away just to kiss him again, and again. Jinki can do nothing but kiss back, and want grows and builds and flutters inside of him the more Minho touches him, like this, and brings him closer.

When they pull apart Jinki struggles to breathe, his stomach warm and aching as Minho gazes back at him.

"You kissed me." Jinki says. It's the wrong thing to say - it's completely ridiculous. He almost laughs. He feels giddy with Minho's kiss.

Realisation flickers on Minho's face. He sobers, finally, as he runs his tongue over his plump, kissed lips. Jinki hasn't caught up with the moment yet. Still caught in the kiss, he stares fixedly at Minho's lips. Right there, just waiting for him. A secret he's never heard before.

"Minho, it's fine." Jinki murmurs, a secret smile on his lips.

"Shit." Minho curses. He's pale, now, and he stumbles backwards. "What have I done-"

"Listen, it's okay, relax-"

"Hyung, I'm sorry." Minho says. "I shouldn't have done that."

"Why not?" Jinki asks, still smiling.

They stare at each other for what feels like a century. Then Minho turns, and leaves quickly.

Jinki, still melted into the bedroom carpet, doesn't process Minho's absence until much later. He runs a thumb over his bottom lip, and his smile continues to hurt his cheeks. He hadn't known Minho felt this way, about him. But now it's clear, it feels like an easy truth to accept. Minho will surely come around to it, too.

The kiss had been a confession that neither of them could say aloud, and Jinki hopes, and hopes, and hopes that it leads to more. 

*

Later, early in the morning, Jinki will recieve a series of messages from Minho, each of them more of a punch in the gut than the last. They shatter the fantasy Jinki had begun to construct in his mind.

**I'm sorry, Jinki hyung**

**I was drunk, I didn't mean to kiss you**

**It didn't mean anything**

**So just forget about it, okay?**

**Sleep well.**

Jinki sighs and throws his phone across his bed. He's still awake, even as the sun rises and turns it shades of orange and red. In the morning light thinks of how Minho had kissed him, as if they had kissed a hundred times before, as if there was nothing in the world but them. Everything had made sense, in that moment. He had not wanted to run anymore.

He had thought about it, many times. When he had caught Minho singing as he cooked, when he had watched Minho dance, when they'd played games together in this house late into the evening, Jinki had wanted to kiss him. But it had not been real until Minho had held him in his arms. It had not been an option until Minho kissed him.

Pain blooms in his chest. It's the sort of pain Jinki can't wish away. He closes his eyes. The rest of the promotions, he thinks, will be hell. But it's his job as a leader to smooth every situation out into something manageable, and he's always been good at that.

*

Jinki's eyes keep flickering back to Minho.

Celebrating the end of promotions has been fun. Kibum had proposed a lovely little restaurant for them to enjoy a meal at. They'd eaten happily, in a peaceful quiet, since the restaurant had been cleared of people and fans couldn't come inside. It has been so nice, to catch up with the members again. No managers, no music, no thought but when their meals would arrive. They are just friends, laughing together. 

There is something missing, though. Minho is... too quiet, ever since that night when they kissed. It isn't like him, and it worries Jinki, tugs at his heart and bothers him throughout the evening. Minho has been different, lately - even Taemin had noticed it. Kibum had laughed louder and tried to tease him more, to make up for the silences, but Minho hadn't taken the bait. Jinki had tried to make him smile, tried to close the gap between them, but that had failed too.

Minho meets Jinki's eyes, across the table. The moment under the amber lights makes Jinki's stomach flip, but he smiles anyway. It's a gentle smile, that is meant as a reassurance, but Minho quickly looks away.

"I really do think Kkoongie would suit a sweater." Kibum is saying, gesturing with his chopsticks. "You can order them online."

"I'll get hyung to knit me one." Taemin says. He sends Jinki a mischevious smile. "Didn't he pick up knitting lately?"

" _Another_ hobby?" Kibum cackles. "Are you actually knitting? You really are an old man."

"Knitting is fun." Jinki laughs. "It's hard, though."

"You recorded a video of you knitting a sweater, didn't you? It was on YouTube, I'm sure it was." Kibum grimaces. "Ugh. Leave the fashion to me."

"I think it was nice." Taemin defends, pouting. He pats Jinki's arm. "I'd wear it."

"Thank you, Taeminnie." Jinki smiles, and Taemin grins and snuggles closer to him.

Through laughter and teasing tones Minho is watching them with a trace of his old smile on his face. Jinki catches him, and raises an eyebrow, delighting in the way Minho scowls and flushes. There are benefits, Jinki thinks, to this new side of Minho.

The evening drags on like that, familiar and warm. Jinki has missed the other members so much, and to be with them again is a lovely feeling, a respite from the busy days they've had promoting. It will be a shame to leave Don't Call Me behind, but the new future ahead of them has so many opportunities waiting for them.

 _Opportunities,_ Jinki thinks, his eyes meeting Minho's again, _that he'd never really considered before._

Eventually Taemin stands and stretches.

"I should get home." He says. "Kkoongie likes cuddling at night."

"You're too soft for that cat." Kibum giggles. He stands and throws an arm over Taemin's shoulders. "Can I come back to yours?"

"You just want to steal Kkoongie from me again." Taemin grumbles, but Jinki knows he's only kidding. The two of them are a sharp, mischevious pair, and together they're inseparable. "Come on then."

"Wait-" Jinki and Minho start to say, but Kibum interrupts them easily.

"We'll leave you two to talk." Kibum says, and sends the pair at the table a wink that darkens their cheeks. "Enjoy our leftovers."

"Yeah, goodnight!" Taemin says happily. He trails behind Kibum, and they leave together.

The silence they leave behind between Jinki and Minho is warm, and filled with unspoken things. Jinki clears his throat and tucks a lock of purple hair behind his ear. Minho has made sure not to be alone with him since that kiss, in the bedroom doorway. But now here they are, the only two people in the restaurant.

"We should talk." Jinki says gently. Minho tenses his jaw and stares out of the window at the stars and the moon and the headlights that pass them by.

"Do we have to?"

Jinki sends him an amused glance.

"Of course." Jinki says, "We're friends. We should work it out together."

Minho nods.

"I know that." He sighs, "I'm just being stubborn."

Jinki smiles. Fondness makes his insides go all soft.

"Minho, can I-" He starts to ask, at the same time that Minho mumbles "Hyung, I know I said to forget about it, but- _"_

The two look at each other and burst into laughter. It's ridiculous, Jinki is thinking, because they've never been like this. It's always been smooth and easy between the two of them. Every silence was comfortable the way it only can be between two best friends, and now here they are, awkward and fumbling like teenagers with their first loves.

"This isn't like us." Jinki says shyly. He offers a smile, that Minho returns. Cautious, but sweet and familiar.

"I know. I haven't been myself lately." Minho pauses, "I'm sorry for that. I feel like I've shifted the dynamic of the group because of what I did."

The memory of the kiss comes back to Jinki, hazy and soft and shades of pink, and he flushes.

"Stop apologising." Jinki giggles. "Seriously! Stop it. It's fine. We've suffered through much worse than this."

They look at each other for a moment, before Minho looks down at the tablecloth.

"I've been a coward." Minho says.

"Hm?"

"I was scared of how I felt and I couldn't bear it anymore. So I got drunk, and I came to your door, when I should have just..." Minho swallows, "We've always worked through everything together. I should have just told you."

Jinki smiles. He can feel his heart in his chest, relentless and longing as it pounds.

"Told me what?" 

Minho takes a deep breath. He reaches across the table and presses his hand over Jinki's, holds it softly. It is less clumsy and passionate than the kiss he had pressed against Jinki's jaw, and his lips, but it still means something. It still makes Jinki melt

"I should have told you the way I feel, and the reason I kissed you." Minho says. 

"Which is?"

"Hyung before I do... you know how much I admire you, right? And you know I'd never, ever want to jeapordize our friendship?"

Jinki nods. Under the low, amber lighting Minho is pretty, and glowing. Minho's hand is a warm point of contact. It feels achingly romantic.

"I want you." Minho says, all of a sudden. It seems to tumble out of him, as if he's been waiting to say it in his soft, gravelly voice for a long time. "You've always been family to me, you know that, but I can't deny it anymore. I've always known the truth, deep down, but once I moved out, my feelings for you became impossible to bear."

Minho pauses and runs his thumb over the back of Jinki's hand. Jinki's heartbeat flutters, like a bird's wings.

"You're my best friend, hyung. I'd never want to change that." Minho murmurs, "But I want to see you, every morning. I want to make you laugh, and make you breakfast, but I've never been able to say it until now. I've been so scared of ruining everything between us, but it's too late now, so I'll just confess it to you."

Minho smiles.

"I love you, hyung."

Jinki looks down at their hands, on the tablecloth.

"I'm sorry if I scared you, that night." Minho says, "I was scared, too. And then once I sobered up I thought I'd ruined everything, so I sent those messages, but I think that just made it worse."

Warmth has fallen like a blanket over Jinki's shoulders. _He loves me,_ a voice whispers in his ear, over and over again.

Truthfully no matter how much he'd felt for Minho, he'd grown to ignore the feeling, for he'd never thought Minho would feel the same. Even if he did, it would always remain an unspoken thing, a truth kept secret to protect the group and their image.

But here Minho is, brave and vulnerable, his hand warm over Jinki's on the restaurant table.

"I'm not very good at this sort of thing." Jinki admits quietly. "I haven't got a lot of experience."

Minho smiles, and squeezes Jinki's hand.

"That's okay."

"And it would be complicated, if we had a relationship. We'd have to figure things out with the label, not to mention how our group dynamic would change-" 

"Trust me, I know."

"But I think it would be okay." Jinki says, turning pinker by the second, "If we worked it out together, this time."

Minho's smile grows, and grows, into the most beautiful grin. It crinkles his eyes. It's the smile Jinki knows well, the infectious happiness that has always drawn him close to Minho. And it melts Jinki, through and through.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Jinki decides. 

Minho lifts their hands, and presses his lips against the back of Jinki's hand. 

"Together?" He asks, and he smiles as if a weight has been lifted from his shoulders.

"Together." 

**Author's Note:**

> i'm not rly sure how i feel abt this fic, but i do hope you enjoyed it <3 thank you for reading!


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